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As much as I wish this post was about everyone's favorite mathematical mystery PBS show of our childhood, it's not (Seriously, though, I'm fairly certain that show was the lone shining moment of positivity involving math in my life--"MathMan, MathMan"). Instead it's back to the employment line for yours truly. I'd interviewed at a private school to teach theater. It seemed like a really unique opportunity, but I was a bit uncertain if it was right for me. Ultimately my prayer was that God would close the door if I wasn't supposed to do it, because I was thinking that I would give it a whirl.

It's funny how He answers a request like that.

As much as I was sincere in and meant that prayer deep down I think I just wanted it to work out so that I'd be done with the whole job search thing. I was also looking at a creative programming position with Children's Ministry at a church in Plano that fell through this afternoon.

As much as I'd like to say I'm totally ok with it, and that I'm trusting the God who is in control, who has a bigger and better plan for my life, I have to say that it was really hard to hear the now all too familiar "We ultimately decided to hire someone else" speech again.

Two years of ups and downs (seemingly all too often more downs than ups) never having a consistent job, finding a job or a business opportunity that seems perfect only to have it crash and burn a few short weeks later, extreme loneliness, borderline (if not full blown) depression, and quite honestly the embarassment you feel as a college graduate who can't seem to get his crap together is officially old.

Do I believe that God's got a reason for all of this? Absolutely. Do I
think that he has a job somewhere for me? You bet. Do I think that I'm being prepared for something, hopefully something that defies belief? I do.


So why the delay?

That's the one thing I don't understand.

that's all.